Anarchy Origins
by Captain Zen
Summary: The grand story before Tekurumoto's Fanfic.


I am the one known as Captain Zen, and here I chronicle the fictitious origin of the organization now known as the Anarchy of Anime. Bare in mind, this is my crappy prequel to Tekurumoto's equally crappy fan fiction, _The Wonders of the Forums_. Also, note that this story is designed somewhat in the style of Quentin Tarantino, the first two scenes are out of order.

Hash browns.

Yes, the typical bacon/hash brown combo breakfast is exactly how every grand adventure should start.

To be fair, the story starts in the middle. When it all went downhill….

Hash browns were all that were left on the first hooded female's plate. She'd already devoured the bacon and root beer, leaving the main course untouched. Her associate, another hooded female sitting across from her, was eating her breakfast at a more even pace. It was a breakfast of grapefruit, pancakes and hot coffee. Most of the grapefruit was already eaten.

"Jesus Christ, I don't get you." The first hooded female broke the awkward silence.

"…Mm?"

"How the hell do you eat your fruit almost entirely when there is still bacon on your plate? That's just not human!"

"This isn't just any fruit… this is grapefruit. It's different."

"Jeeze, whatever."

"You're one to talk about eating habits. You've eaten nothing but bacon for the past two months."

"Alright, I get it. Shut up."

"You started it."

The second female ate the rest of her breakfast in silence while the first got a refill of root beer. After a few minutes, the first spoke up yet again.

"M.S."

"…Mm?"

"So, are we going to do this thing, or what?"

"Yeah, gimme a second, Riona. The breakfast shack is full as usual. About 60 people seated… 60 wallets. This shouldn't take long."

The one known as M.S. finished her coffee, pulled out a pistol and jumped up on the table. The one known as Riona pulled out a machine gun.

"Hands up, everyone. This is a god damn robbery."

"NOBODY FUCKING MOVE!"

**-Captain Zen Presents-**

**'Anarchy Origins'**

"Now, there are very good cops in Wellrose. But, you see, there is this little psychological complex going on. A "Good Cop VS Bad Cop" kind of complex. Now, I'll have you know… I'm the bad cop. Most people can grasp that. What I personally don't understand, however, is why I'm partnered with you, soldier."

The male driver donned a badge that said "Officer Shad". He was speaking to a soldier in a white T shirt, dog tags and sunglasses. He was called "Sgt. Zen".

'Zen' responded.

"Pal, I think we've got a little problem on our hands."

'Shad' stopped at a red light and turned to the soldier.

"What, are you going to breathe down my neck the whole time?"

"Not… exactly. Because, you see here, Mr. Bad cop, there are two kinds of soldiers when it's bullet hell out there. When you see your buddy get gunned down. The better soldier is the kind that jumps in and brings him to safety. No, I'm not like that. I'm the kind of bastard that tracks down the motherfucker that killed him and busts the motherfucker's ass full of lead. That's the kind of soldier I am."

"So I guess we're playing bad cop, bad soldier."

The car parked at an apartment complex. Once the two were out of range of the car's audio recording mechanism, they started the real conversation.

Shad spoke up.

"Now, I'm fairly certain we both know exactly why we're here."

"Officially, to arrest the two Gangsters that we've finally located. Then, when we enter the room, we're going to _accidentally_ kill those sons of bitches."

"It's always a pleasure working with you, sergeant."

The officer and the soldier entered the room. The two men inside were alarmed at the sight of the dog tags and badge. Shad walked to the middle of the room calmly.

"Hello, gentlemen… I don't suppose you know who I am?"

"A cop?" one of the men responded.

"Very good! Very good, sir. And why do you think I'm here?"

Zen walked to the back of the room and surveyed from a distance.

"I… uh… guess you found us. We're part of a gang, I'm sure you know…" the man was frightened.

"Oh, that's the official reason why Zen and I are coming to your little humble abode. Do you know who I really am?"

"You're… uh… I don't know."

"I'm the man who is going to royally kick your ass."

"Huh?"

Shad grabbed the man by the shoulders and threw him across the room.

"I AM THE MAN WHO IS GOING TO ROYALLY KICK YOUR ASS!"

"Gaah! Why?!"

"Do know who I am?!"

"No!"

"You can call me I. A. A."

"…What?! You're THE-"

Shad shot the man in the gut.

Zen pulled out his own gun, then unloaded his whole magazine on the other man.

"That's right, bitch, he's ISEC's boss. You've royally pissed off the mafia with that little stunt last week."

The man screamed and held his bullet wound. "Please, let me go!"

Shad yelled back. "Where is the fucking briefcase?!"

"It's in the back room!"

Shad held the man at gunpoint as Zen opened the door. A small man jumped out with two pistols, screaming "DIE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS, DIE!" as he missed all 24 shots and was just left standing there. Zen pointed his gun at him.

"Wrong move, motherfucker." Zen pulled the trigger, remembering too late he didn't have any bullets left.

The man ran off, grabbing a briefcase as he jumped out of the window.

"Shit…"

Shad shot the last man and the two walked out. Officially, the job was done. In reality, Zen just made a simple job a hell of a lot harder.

* * *

**Earlier that week...**

There once was a boy that looked like a girl. He worked for Factory 7's league of mechanics, hailing from the school of Karakuri.

Today he stood at the royal court of the league, charged with indecency.

"Teku D. Delphic, you are accused with a number of offences."

"I SWEAR I THOUGHT BOKU NO PICO WAS A DECENT SHOW!"

"…That's not what I meant, but I guess I'll add that to the charge."

"…Crap."

"You have linked hentai in a number of your games…"

"That was fun! :D"

"You've put a screamer in a game based off of actual pornography…"

"Teehee, Nick loved that one."

"The mechanic Aran has found lingerie in his stew…"

"Hey, you have no proof that's mine."

"The lingerie had your name on it…"

"I swear, just give me a chance!"

"You said that last time."

"But-"

"And the time before that. Teku D. Delphic, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"I hope you're thirsty, judge Samson!"

"…What?"

The boy pulled a string hanging from the ceiling, and the entire courtroom flooded with large, purple dildos, all filled with jelly. He picked one up, walked over to the judge and squeezed the dildo, squirting grape jelly into the man's face while giggling uncontrollably. Two guards grabbed him and pulled him out of the courtroom. It was a huge, fruity mess. A female mechanic was visibly attempting to collect as many dildos as she could before running out with her loot.

He had his league mechanic certificate revoked and was thrown into the streets. His friend, Widum Hedron, just stared him down, then up at the jelly-filled courtroom. All he could do was stare. Stare, and slowly clap.

Teku and Widm slumped out of the Factory 7 gates.

"You got kicked out of Factory 7, too?"

"Yeah…"

"Relax, you're not the first. Remember those old mechanics? Zenwarrior54, Mustelidae, Varun, FlyingForever, Dalton, you know… they all left to pursue other things."

"Dalton was brutally raped and murdered."

"What? You actually believe that old urban legend?"

"Yeah. I'm the one who raped him."

"…Woah."

"You know what we should do, Wid?"

"Redeem ourselves and discover the true meaning of friendship?"

"No, dipshit, take out our revenge against Factory 7."

"That also works."

"Here's the plan. In the next town, Wellrose, we're going to form a team of rejects. We're going to band together and fight the oppression! We're going to instill ANARCHY!"

"Alright… what are we going to call this magnificent team?"

"WE WILL BE KNOWN AS…

THE…

I have no idea."

"Let's come up with that later."

* * *

**One day later...**

"Nick, do you know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Europe?"

"…They don't call it a quarter pounder with cheese?"

"Nope. You see, it's because of the metric system. In Europe, they call it a 'Royale with Cheese'."

"Like I asked, smartass."

"Hey, that's Mister Sir Walrus Esquire Smartass to you."

"I have a question for you, Mister Sir Warlus Esquire Smartass."

"Yes?"

"Do you see that '65 Pontiac driving towards the building we're eating lunch in?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"I don't think it's slowing down…"

The old car promptly crashed through the wall and nearly ran over Nick and his friend, Mister Sir Walrus Esquire Smartass.

The dust cleared, and Teku tumbled out of the driver's seat and onto the floor, now covered in derbies.

Wally got off the floor, and then started screaming at the boy. "Hey asshole, where did you learn to drive?!"

"Hehe, I didn't!"

Widm got out of the passenger seat. "If I'd known you drive like this, I'd have never let you get behind the wheel. From this point onward, I drive!"

"THANK YOU, KIND SIR. Keep this kid on a leash!" Wally snapped.

Teku looked up at the one named Wally in an aroused way. "…Leash… kinky…"

Widm intervened before things got too awkward. "Uh, is there any way I can make it up to you?"

The restaurant's manager ran into the room. "What the hell's going on here?"

Wally continued the conversation. "Well, we don't have any money, so you could pay the bill for us, and we're even."

"Teku and I are both broke."

"WHAT?! YOU CAME INTO MY RESTAURANT WITHOUT THE INTENT TO PAY?!"

Nick made an intelligent comment. "Uh, I don't know about you guys, but I'm out of here!"

The four got in the Pontiac and drove out of the burger joint.

* * *

The mysterious crime boss, I. A. A. was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sandals, watching Tom and Jerry on a Sunday morning. It was his day off. Well, it was, until breaking news started breaking stuff.

"This just in: The Matryoshka Gang and the Grandy Gang have now joined forces. As you already know, the Matryoshka gang wears hoods and paint their faces, while the Grandy gang join together in public places to publicly disturb the citizens of Wellrose. How this nefarious team up will shift the violent gang war with ISEC will be told with time alone, but be on the lookout for anything suspicious.

In other news, a short looking man, apparently part of the Grandy gang, has been seen running out of a building with a briefcase. The building was later examined, and it appears to be an old maximum security storage area…"

Ian reached for the phone, and dialed Zen's number.

"Yeah? What is it, boss?"

"Zen, something's about to go down. Grab your old dog tags. The briefcase's been stolen."

"…Well, shit."

"Yeah, I know. Tomorrow, we're going after those bastards."

"Got it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got stuff to do."

Zen hung up. Ian turned off the TV.

* * *

"Have you retrieved the briefcase?"

"Yes, my lord. My men have secured it. It's located in Ouchie's apartment."

"That is fantastic news."

"Unfortunately, we've yet to crack the combination."

"That's fine… as long as my nemesis is distressed, we've succeeded… muhahahahaha…"

* * *

Widm was in the driver's seat, setting a good example of how not to drive like Teku D. Delphic. Wally and Nick sat in the back seat, giving directions back to their apartment.

"Walrus, Nick…" Teku started.

"Yeah?"

"Are you two homosexuals?"

"…"

"Umm, Walrus, Nick, are you two-"

"No, we are not homosexuals."

"…Have you ever considered being homosexuals?"

Wally banged his head against the window, trying to knock himself unconscious.

* * *

Amazingly, Widm managed to reach the apartment before Wally killed himself. As the two roommates left the vehicle, he asked them: "You see… we don't really have a place to stay. Do you guys have space for just two more?"

Wally angrily gripped his head. "No! Stay away! I never want to see you two again!"

"Come on!" The two walked up to their room. "We've been homeless ever since we got fired by Factory 7!"

They stopped. Nick turned around. "You guys, too?"

"Yeah. I mean, Teku had it coming, but I just sort of got dragged along. Birds of a feather flock together, right?"

Wally turned around. "Well, we were thinking of going back and beating the crap of all the guys that fired us"

"Hey, we were thinking the same thing!"

"Alright, you and homo-hopeful over there can sleep on the floor, on one condition: By the end of all this, those jerks at gamestar get what's coming for them."

"Deal."

"So does that mean you guys really ARE homosexuals-"

Teku fell unconscious from a stray rock that somehow forcefully fell from Wally's hand.

* * *

**The next day.**

The man ran off, grabbing a briefcase as he jumped out of the window.

"Shit…"

Shad shot the last man and the two walked out. Officially, the job was done. In reality, Zen just made a simple job a hell of a lot harder- The briefcase was still in Grandknick's grasp. If they were going to get it back, they'd have to do it illegally.

Ian, still having to play the role of Officer Shad for a few more days, took on the daily task of patrolling.

* * *

"You know, Wid, you're still going to need to get a job." Nick inferred.

"I know, I know... I'm thinking of starting a maid cafe"

"A... what?"

"You know, a maid cafe. Where nice girls dress in cute maid outfits and wait on you."

Teku purred. "Can I dress in a cute maid outfit and wait on customers?"

Widm sighed. "Teku, you know you can't do that. You have a penis."

"Age is just a number!"

"...And?"

"Crap, that argument made sense last time I used it..."

"...Anyway, I'd say it's time we had some breakfast. Are there any good diners in this small town?"

"Besides the one you two trashed?!" Nick snorted. "Well, actually, yeah. We have a Denny's as well. But we're not paying for your food, chumps."

"If you pay for all of us, I'll let you punch Teku in the face."

Nick and Wally looked at each other, then back at Widm. "Deal!" they said in unison.

Teku got up. "No! No deal! NO DEAL-"

* * *

**Later.**

Nick was driving, with Wally in the passenger's seat. In the back, were Widm and a noticeably bruised Teku. The car suddenly swerved out of the way. Wally screamed like a little girl, then quickly composed himself.

"What the hell was that?" He asked Nick, trying to sound as masculine as possible.

"I think it was a squirrel... carrying a briefcase."

"Meh, I've seen weirder. Hey, I think we bumped into something. The tail light's out."

"I'll fix it. LATER. I'm freaking starving, man. A _Royale With Cheese_ sounds pretty good right about now."

"Too bad, we're getting Denny's..."

* * *

"No, sir, for the last time, WE DO NOT SERVE JELLY DONUTS AT DENNY'S!"

"Why the hell not?! This IS a breakfast place, right?"

"Are you going to order something, or what?!"

"Be patient, _m'lady_. You're a waitress, so it's your job to WAIT on me. That means you have to wait. Moron."

"Screw off."

"Oh, and by the way. I'm just a tourist. Does this town have any Maid Cafes?"

"Place your damn order!"

"Alright, alright already! I'll have some blueberry pancakes and some hot chocolate. Jeeze, rude much?"

The waitress snapped the menu out of Zen's hand and stormed off in a sulk. Zen put his feet on the table and brought out a game boy as Wally, Nick, Widm and poor ol Teku walked in.

"I'm just saying, guys. I know they're rare in America, but I STILL have to make sure this town doesn't have any potential competition. If I'm going to make a maid cafe, I have to make sure I have the monopoly on the business."

"Business?" Nick scoffed. "Keh, I think your main _competition _is that one hooker that always hangs around the corner two blocks down from here."

"I could hire her! Keep her off the streets and offer a more safe job!"

"Whatever floats your boat, man."

The four sat down in the booth directly behind Zen. _Pokemon: Yellow Version_ was audibly at full volume, and noises of Pikachu battling were getting old pretty fast. The waitress came over.

"What can I do for you kids?" She demanded.

"PANCAKES!" Teku exclaimed.

"Bacon and Eggs. Extra bacon." Wally ordered what he usually got at the local Denny's.

"Cheese Omelet and Coffee. Lots of cream, lots of sugar." Nick ordered.

"Before I order, I have to ask you something local. You see, I'm new to this town." Widm began. "Does this town have any maid cafes, by any cha-"

"NO!" The waitress screamed. The restaurant fell silent. A hooded girl on the other side of the diner had dropped her root beer on the floor. The waitress turned around, groaned loudly and ran over to clean up the mess.

"...Jeeze. I don't think they have a maid cafe here." Widm intelligently concluded. He then remembered, he had to order. He yelled over to the waitress, "Uh, and by the way, I'd like some blueberry pancakes. Thanks!"

The waitress picked up the glass from the floor, flashed him the evil eye and chucked the glass across the room. Widm ducked, but the glass hit Zen in the back of the head.

"Ow, what the hell?!" he yelled at no one in particular." He turned around, but the waitress was back in the kitchen. Zen turned to the group. "So... what did you guys to to piss off lil' miss sunshine?"

"Maid cafes."

"Heh, it figures." Zen examined the group. When he got to Teku, romantic saxophone music began to play as a pink background with sparkles overwhelmed the booth. The scene attracted the attention of adjacent booths and tables. Everyone looked at Nick, who was nonchalantly playing the sexy saxophone music. Zen took the instrument out of his hands and threw it across the room. It hit the waitress, who was just exiting the kitchen. She hit the floor and didn't get up.

"Shit, there goes my blueberry pancakes." Zen said, while Teku was staring intently at him. Teku muttered under his breath...

_"Senpai...~"_

* * *

"So, are we going to do this thing, or what?"

"Yeah, gimme a second, Riona. The breakfast shack is full as usual. About 60 people seated… 60 wallets. This shouldn't take long."

The one known as M.S. finished her coffee, pulled out a pistol and jumped up on the table. The one known as Riona pulled out a machine gun.

"Hands up, everyone. This is a god damn robbery."

"NOBODY FUCKING MOVE!"

Teku screamed and put his hands in the air. Wally and Nick calmly did the same. Widm shrugged. "I don't have any money." He nervously laughed, but then jolted his hands up when he saw M.S. point at gun at his head. "Alright, alright!"

Riona pointed her machine gun straight at Zen. "YOU WITH THE DOG TAGS. PUT YOUR HANDS UP WHERE I CAN SEE 'EM!"

Zen chuckled. "Hehe... what's the magic word, sweetheart?" Riona kicked him in the ribs and handcuffed his hands to the ceiling. "Ugh... alright, whatever you say, hoodie." he coughed. "You're part of Matryoshka, right?"

"None of your business, balls for brains. I've got you at gunpoint and your arms are tied. I think you should be BEGGING FOR MERCY!"

"Nooo!" Teku interrupted. "Don't hurt senpai!"

"What did you just call me?!"

Widm sighed. "Don't mind him..."

M.S. started collecting wallets. She walked over to Teku and took his. She noticed something strange about it. She sniffed it. It smelled of jelly.

Teku grinned. "Hehe, you just smelled something that came out of an inflatable penis!" M.S. flushed bright red and threw the wallet across the room. Teku giggled, until she kicked him very hard in the shin.

"It's just jelly. No need to worry." Widm reassured her.

"Will you collect those wallets already? I want my breakfast!" Zen complained after a solid 10 minutes of mugging. "And my arms are getting tired."

"Will you shut the hell up?!" Riona yelled back. "You COULD be a little more helpful."

"Ha, can't. My arms are handcuffed, so you'll have to awkwardly touch my back pocket to get my wallet out."

"I'll touch your back pocket, senpai~"

"Shut up, kid!"

"You've got a lot of nerve, guy. I should shoot you right here."

"Well, I have to keep up my momentous reputation of being a fool in the face of danger!"

"What reputation?!"

"Oh, you're in Matryoshka. Shouldn't you know who I am?"

M.S. turned around. "Wait... the jelly donut obsession. The dog tags. You're not..."

"That's riiight! Former factory 7 mechanic, now infamous outlaw, Zen Warrior Fifty Fucking Four!"

Riona poised to pull the trigger on her gang's nemesis, but saw a familiar foot. The whole diner froze for a split second.

**FALCON...**

* * *

Iaa was driving through town doing his normal patrol, despite it being his day off. He was contemplating the few hours beforehand, about ouchie escaping. He had to come up with some sort of plan to take down the Grandy Gang fast, before they break the briefcase's combination.

He heard a loud, fiery explosion from a distance, followed by a scent of blueberry pancakes.

"God damn it, Zen. Not again..."

* * *

**KICK!**

Riona flew out of the building. Yet another breakfast diner destroyed. She got to her feet. Zen broke the handcuffs off of the ceiling, but his hands were still bound. He ran out to face the Matryoshka Gangster head on. Teku ran after him, then M.S. followed suit.

Zen kicked again, but this time Riona dodged. She grabbed his leg and threw him to the ground. Yelling "SENPAAAII!", Teku jumped onto her, punching her on the head and not letting go.

Widm hid behind a counter, shivering with fear. Wally brought out a huge sword, and Nick ran off with everyone's wallets. The ensuing battle probably lasted for twelve seconds before Zen stubbed his toe, Wally broke the sword (It was made of plastic), M.S. shot Teku and Riona doubled over in pain from her internal organs rejecting the inhumane amounts of bacon she had consumed over the last two months. It was just one heaping, embarrassing stalemate.

To be continued.


End file.
